Joyfully Suffering

"For to you it has been granted for Christ's sake, not only to believe in Him, but also to suffer for His sake..."- Phillipians 1:29

The above verse has spoken a lot to me these past couple months. i've always struggled with depression, but these past couple months have seemed worse. I can't necessarily think of one certain thing that has caused it to get worse, but i do have some thoughts.

In a way, i feel like God is causing my depression. Some of you may think this is a crazy idea, but i definitely think it's plausible. Take the above verse for example; Christ wants us to suffer for His sake. He wants us to experience at least some fraction of the pain that he went through. It even talks about in the book of James how we should embrace suffering and how beneficial it can be to our faith. There is so much truth to that.

I've been reading "Come Be My Light," a book about Mother Teresa, for quite some time now; it's a book filled with all of her private writings. in case you didn't know much about her life and the struggles that she faced, she was a very depressed person who suffered a lot. she lived in poverty intentionally and served the poor, the sick and the dying. she faced so many trials and she never gave up on God. She gladly accepted the offer to suffer even more for Him and to feel His pain. It's a beautiful book, as is her life depicted in it. I feel like i can identify so much with Mother Teresa. No, i don't live with the poor and serve them, but i feel like i can relate in other ways. I feel so depressed. I feel like i am so alone, abandoned and unloved.I feel like God has left me and doesn't give a shit about me. This is how i feel like i can relate to her and reading her writings has been so inspiring to me and has really brought me comfort.

I feel like God wants me to return to Him. I think causing my depression is one way of doing it. It's helping me to realize how important He is and how much I need Him. Knowing this, reading that Bible verse and reading the writings of Mother Teresa, i am pleased to suffer for Christ. This depression is a good thing and i can take comfort in it now. I am joyfully suffering for Christ and His will and i thank Him for all He's been doing and showing me.

"If I ever become a saint- I will surely be one of 'darkness.' I will continually be absent from Heaven- to light the light of those in darkness on earth."- Mother Teresa