Benjamin needs to listen...

So I went to church this morning and I enjoyed it very much.

I need to start listening more. not only to God but to other people. Sometimes people need to just let it all out and i want to be the kind of person who will be there for ANYONE and will listen to what they have to say. I want to be a shoulder that they can cry on. And I want the same for me. Sometimes i just need to vent and I am so thankful that I have people in my life who are willing to just hear me out and give me advice when it's needed. I am so thankful for that.
I also beleve that I need to just hear God's voice. I waste so much time with technology and other distractions, and I don't pay much attention to God. I need to just listen to Him. I want the answers. I want to hear Him.

so church is amazing and I am so thankful that God has led me there. Praise Him.

benny b

Philippians 2:2-11

2make my joy complete by being of the same mind, maintaining the same love, united in spirit, intent on one purpose.
3Do nothing from selfishness or empty conceit, but with humility of mind regard one another as more important than yourselves
4Do not merely look out for your own personal interests, but also for the interests of others.
5Have this attitude in yourselves which was also in Christ Jesus
6who, although He existed in the form of God, did not regard equality with God a thing to be grasped
7but emptied Himself, taking the form of a bond-servant, and being made in the likeness of men.
8Being found in the appearance as a man, He humbled Himself by becoming obedient to the point of death, even death on a cross.
9For this reason also, God highly exalted Him, and bestowed on Him the name which is above every name,
10so that at the name of Jesus EVERY KNEE WILL BOW, of those who are in heaven and on earth and under the earth,
11and that every tongue will confess that Jesus Christ is Lord, to the glory of God the Father.

Lie

I feel like a lie.
Like one of those deep, intellectual lies that are swept underneath the rug.
I feel like its not my fault. Like it's someone elses fault that I'm like this.
I feel like a failure.
Like i'll never amount to any good especially when it comes to the predominance in rural, knox county ohio.
I feel like i'm not going to be saved.
That it'll never stop.
I'll keep moving on only to be stopped in my tracks by this lie of lies, this hate of hate in my heart.
Deep hate.
I feel alone.
Im alone in this world of hey you's and everpopular telephone converstations.
Notice me please.
Help me please.
Save me. Please.

hmm...

i wonder what college i should go to...
and what should i major in??


i wish God would tell me...NOW!

maybe im not listening hard enough.

maybe i know exactly what he wants me to do but i don't want to go through with it.

hmm...

1 MONTH!!!!!

everyone.........i have an announcement to make:




IT HAS BEEN ONE WHOLE FREAKING MONTH SINCE I HAVE HAD A CIGARETTE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! AMAZING!!!!!



tis my news. and i am very happy about it. thank you to everyone who has helped me through it and who continue to do so. i am very thanful for all of you. and i'd like to give a HUGE shoutout to God. because if it weren't for Him I would probably be smoking still. I love God. I love everyone who has been there for me. Thank you.

Nicotines hard to kick kids. so dont start!

God's Timing

It's rather difficult to understand God's timing. I mean, I really love God and I try every day to revolve my life aroung Him. I only wish that my parents were the same way. They aren't christians. It's sad. I am the only christian in my household. I am trying to be a light to my family, and i am continually praying for them but nothing seems t be happening. I want my parents to be like the people from my church. The people whom I admire greatly. I know that I shouldn't be disappointed with the life that God gave me but sometimes I am. I wish that my parents loved Jesus. I want my parents to come to church everytime theres a service, i want us to say grace at the dinner table before we eat, i want to be able to study the bible with them, i want my parents to pray with me before we go to sleep. but right now thats not happening. i love my parents to death and im scared for them. I want to be able to go to heaven and be reunited with them but as of right now i don't think thats going to happen. I feel like my prayers are a waste and i don't understand why God can't find them now. why do i have to keep waiting for them to come around and accept christ? if only God could work a little faster...

The Hills

Watch the new episode of "The Hills" that premiered last night on MTV.
That's pretty much my life story.

benny.b

do you ever feel unworthy??

i was saved when i was in my second semester of eighth grade. at that time i began reading the bible, praying daily, and i even went to church a few times. but back then, i think my christianity was more of an obligation. ofcourse i loved Jesus, but I did all of those things because i felt obligated. and as time went by it got worse. I felt that the bible was the most boring book ever created and i ran through my prayers so fast because i was more worried about sleeping than praising God. i felt obligated to pray. i felt obligated to read the Word. I did all of those things because i felt that i had to. then this past year it all changed. I started going to church regularly, and i got to the point where i loved talking to God and reading His Word. I love it! i've changed so much about myself and it's all because of Him helping me through everything. i have found a STRONG love for God. an unconditional love for God. and then i think, "how can He love me?" im sure this is every Christians question. i dont get how He can though. I feel like i dont measure up. like i cant be one of His children. like i shouldnt be. im not the greatest peron and by no means am i perfect. i sin...a lot. but whenever i willfully sin i feel so discouraged and i feel like instead of running to God for help i have to hide my hurt and shame from him. i feel like even though it says in the bible that God will never allow me to be tempted more than I can handle, its never going to end. im never going to escape the temptation of the world that causes me to sin. its hard to control ones thoughts, and actions. atleast for me it is. so yes, i love God so much and im never going to stop loving him, but its hard to see Him loving me. not because He is a bad god who is incapable of love, but because I don't see how anyone could.