"Flock"

It has been calculated that each copy of the Gutenburg Bible required the skins of 300 sheep.
I can see them squeezed into the holding pen behind the stone building where the printing press is housed.
All of them squirming around to find a little room and looking so much alike it would be nearly impossible to count them.
And there is no telling which one of them will carry the news that the Lord is a Shepherd, one of the few things they already know.
- Billy Collins

please pray for him

a friend of mine is going through a divorce.
im sad for him.
and he told me that he isn't a christian.
i think that if he were he would find comfort.
in God.
he could go to God for help and possibly feel a bit better about the situation.
i constantly turn to God during my time of need.
it's good to have that.
i want him to be happy.
so.....please pray for him.

Jason Schneiderman is my favorite poet...

Jason Schneiderman is now my favorite poet ever to live i must say. Here are a few of his amazing poems. You may not like him, but i seriously wish that I had his style of writing.
AMAZING!


Charlie Brown in a Well
At the bottom of the well
my round head is no longer



funny. I can not see the
zig zag on my shirt or



even the yellow. I touch the
single hair on my head



and hope that it never falls out





A Story about Nutrition
Her womb was barren, and it made them sad,
but in the Nursery outside their local Giant



they saw a bag that said 'fertilizer'
and they believed it. They were happy,



parents-to-be, bought the largest bag,
and drove home faster than usual.



She wasn't pregnant yet,
so they hefted the weight upstairs



to the master bedroom together,
where he filled the bed with the rich black soil



and she climbed into the bed
and he buried her, tamping the earth
around her naked body.



He said nothing as she lay there,
but he was haunted by a childhood experiment
where he had watered plain earth, no seeds,



and things grew out of it,
slender, green, parentless shoots
born of the earth.



When at last she swelled up,
he remained silent,
did not voice his distress



that he might not be responsible,
and when she bore their child,
he smiled at her, and looked away.





Hydration
It started around the same time
she'd gotten kidney stones for the first time,
this obsession with water
and her belief in its importance.


It became the source of all problems physical:
headaches, exhaustion, indigestion, constipation...
Her research was ruthless and thorough.
All things pointed to water,



to multiple glasses of water
and the wait for the relief
hydration would bring.



We became connoisseurs of water,
keeping bottles in the car
and filters in the fridge



We bought backpacks and hip flasks,
boy scout canteens and leather bladders



until it had consumed us
and we couldn't get through the day



without twelve glasses each
and we couldn't go anywhere

without a bathroom in sight,
and when we turned to her

to ask, what now? She was gone.
Drifted away.

And none of us had noticed.

I Love You and All You Have Made
The flowers are shocking on our shell shocked block, where everything is your doing—the garden plot you wrested from the concrete with jackhammers and bordered with cinderblock, the soil you carted home in the wheelbarrow, the bulbs I helped you pick, the jasmine you ordered on-line, the rose bushes you brought home on the bus. I've always marveled at your passion for plants—the custom made boxes on Fifty-seventh Street, the hanging baskets on South Portland, the way that the plants grow for you, the way that the cuttings hang on for you, yearsat a time. The only plant I ever did well with was a Ficus Tree named Charlie who would only grow in my room, and I still believe it was because he loved me. Some days I flatter myself to think that I'm one of your flowers. Some days I flatter myself to think I'm not.

MVNU application essay...

I believe that I am a kind, ambitious person who strives to be more and more like Christ everyday. That is one of the main reasons that I want the Christian emphasis and environment offered at Mount Vernon Nazarene University. I want a place where I can grow in my faith and I believe that MVNU is the place where I can do that. Another reason that I am applying to MVNU, is because of the many opportunities that are given. I want to study abroad and go on mission trips. I want to be given great academic classes that will prepare me for my major. I want to maintain a healthy, Christian lifestyle by abiding by the understandable rules and participating in campus ministries. The list goes on and on. I have no doubt that MVNU can truly be my home for the next four or more years. I want to meet people that I can become great, life-long friends with, and professors that I will get to know personally. MVNU is the place for me. There are many possibilities that I am considering as a career. An English teacher, a youth pastor, a counselor, and much more. I think that MVNU will help to prepare me for any, and all career possibilities that I am interested in pursuing. I intend on being a part of every aspect of the MVNU environment. I will uphold my studies, pursue my want to be like Christ, and give all that I can to service my community. I am interested in Christ, growing, and building new relationships. My home is at MVNU. Thank you very much for your consideration.

Where is God?

Yeaterday I went to MVNU and I had the pleasure of sitting in on a Christian Theology class. During this class people were sharing their thoughts on how we can prove that God exists and though I was not able to talk, due to the fact that I am not a student there, I so badly wanted to join in the discussion.
At one point a student raised his hand and spoke of God and His prescence during hurricane Katrina. He said that God was present there and, to my surprise, I disagreed. I wasn't sure. I don't necessarily believe that God was there. I cannot tell you how many times I've asked myself the question, "Where's God?"
Where was God during the holocaust?
Where was God during the Columbine shooting?
Where is God during all of these natural disasters that continue to occur?
Where. Is. God?
I don't see really Him. All I really see is hurt and pain in all of those scenarios, I don't really see the love of God.
Seeing these examples helps me bring up personal examples of my own life...
Where was God when my Uncle, who was my hero, died?
Where was God when I was drinking all the time and destroying my life?
Where was God when I was hurting my lungs with cigarettes?
Where was God when I wanted to kill myself?
The more and more I think about this the angrier and more hopeless I get. But then I realize that God is waiting. He's waiting for me to come to Him. I was able to go to Him for comfort when my uncle died, and I was able to overcome drinking, smoking, and suicide because He helped me. He is always there, He's just waiting for us to find Him.
So, in the end, I don't have an answer for the first questions I posed. Is God there? maybe. But even if He weren't, I believe that He loves His children and that His heart is breaking everytime He sees us in pain or hurting.
Do I feel helpless and hopeless and have the suspicion that God has forgotten about me or doesn't care? Yes.
But I'm learning that everything is going to get better and that I need to trust in my father, and have hope.

I may've confused whoever decides to read this but it's kinda hard to explain. Maybe we should get together and talk about it. Maybe that'll be easier. I enjoy discussion.

2 Months!!!

today is two months since I have had a cigarette.





hells yeah!

disappointed...

i went up to Hope College this weekend and it wasn't what i wanted it to be. I wanted to fall in love with that school. some of my best friends really like that school and i wanted to be able to go to college with my best friends. But it didn't feel right. It didn't feel very Christ centered even tho it's a Christian college. yes it is a very prestigous college but that's not what i'm looking for. I want a place where i can grow in my faith. I want a place where i can study the bible with my friends and pray with them. I dont want to find my friend in his dorm room playing video games. it would be better to find him reading the Word. i want to enjoy chapel. love it. it was weird at Hope. I loved seeing everyone there voluntarily and raising their hands to God but it just wasn't right. i need a place to call home. i want a place where classes teaching about Jesus and the Bible are required. I want a place with rules that will help me keep a Christian life. I want a place where i can make a difference. that is not Hope. hopefully I'll get into the Naz or Cedarville. oh geeze...