Lately i have been feeling like crap. A lot of stuf has been happening that has made me feel so angry and depressed. (Forgive me for i'm not going to write the details on here so the entire internet world may see. But if you want to know, just ask and we'll see what happens.) Anyway, life has been very shitty lately. I've lost friends. I've been in a bad mood day after day. I've been more depressed than I ever have. I've been wondering, "Where is God?" Now, i know that He's always there but i'm the stupid one who neglects Him, but i feel like i've been crying out for help and He hasn't been coming. So i've been pissed at Him. That's not good. So what's up with me? How long am i going to be feel like this? When will i finally have Hope that a better day will come? idk. But onto the real point of this entry.....i have learned that even in the worst of moments, good things can happen, and God can certainly be known in all situations. From what i've been going through, I have developed new, healthy relationships. With people that show me love and let me know that they care about me. I have been taught many things by God because of what has happened. I think i have even gained a bit of hope. Now that's saying something. Now, i'm getting reconnected with God. Or at least trying to. One way is people. People showing the love that Christ shows. Church. Learning. I've even felt kind of good lately. Not as depressed. That doesn't mean that an hour from now i won't be sad. But at least some things seem to be changing. So i love God. I love what He's been showing me (the good things.). And i am so thankful for the amazing people in my life. I love you all. :)
I feel like i just rambled on for a long time. I hope it was enjoyable. It was good writing everything out. that felt good.
Saturday, April 25, 2009
Sunday, April 12, 2009
Matthew 28:1-20
1After the Sabbath, at dawn on the first day of the week, Mary Magdalene and the other Mary went to look at the tomb.
2There was a violent earthquake, for an angel of the Lord came down from heaven and, going to the tomb, rolled back the stone and sat on it. 3His appearance was like lightning, and his clothes were white as snow. 4The guards were so afraid of him that they shook and became like dead men.
5The angel said to the women, "Do not be afraid, for I know that you are looking for Jesus, who was crucified. 6He is not here; he has risen, just as he said. Come and see the place where he lay. 7Then go quickly and tell his disciples: 'He has risen from the dead and is going ahead of you into Galilee. There you will see him.' Now I have told you."
8So the women hurried away from the tomb, afraid yet filled with joy, and ran to tell his disciples. 9Suddenly Jesus met them. "Greetings," he said. They came to him, clasped his feet and worshiped him. 10Then Jesus said to them, "Do not be afraid. Go and tell my brothers to go to Galilee; there they will see me."
11While the women were on their way, some of the guards went into the city and reported to the chief priests everything that had happened. 12When the chief priests had met with the elders and devised a plan, they gave the soldiers a large sum of money, 13telling them, "You are to say, 'His disciples came during the night and stole him away while we were asleep.' 14If this report gets to the governor, we will satisfy him and keep you out of trouble." 15So the soldiers took the money and did as they were instructed. And this story has been widely circulated among the Jews to this very day.
16Then the eleven disciples went to Galilee, to the mountain where Jesus had told them to go. 17When they saw him, they worshiped him; but some doubted. 18Then Jesus came to them and said, "All authority in heaven and on earth has been given to me. 19Therefore go and make disciples of all nations, baptizing them in[a] the name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit, 20and teaching them to obey everything I have commanded you. And surely I am with you always, to the very end of the age."
Wow I love Jesus. :)
2There was a violent earthquake, for an angel of the Lord came down from heaven and, going to the tomb, rolled back the stone and sat on it. 3His appearance was like lightning, and his clothes were white as snow. 4The guards were so afraid of him that they shook and became like dead men.
5The angel said to the women, "Do not be afraid, for I know that you are looking for Jesus, who was crucified. 6He is not here; he has risen, just as he said. Come and see the place where he lay. 7Then go quickly and tell his disciples: 'He has risen from the dead and is going ahead of you into Galilee. There you will see him.' Now I have told you."
8So the women hurried away from the tomb, afraid yet filled with joy, and ran to tell his disciples. 9Suddenly Jesus met them. "Greetings," he said. They came to him, clasped his feet and worshiped him. 10Then Jesus said to them, "Do not be afraid. Go and tell my brothers to go to Galilee; there they will see me."
11While the women were on their way, some of the guards went into the city and reported to the chief priests everything that had happened. 12When the chief priests had met with the elders and devised a plan, they gave the soldiers a large sum of money, 13telling them, "You are to say, 'His disciples came during the night and stole him away while we were asleep.' 14If this report gets to the governor, we will satisfy him and keep you out of trouble." 15So the soldiers took the money and did as they were instructed. And this story has been widely circulated among the Jews to this very day.
16Then the eleven disciples went to Galilee, to the mountain where Jesus had told them to go. 17When they saw him, they worshiped him; but some doubted. 18Then Jesus came to them and said, "All authority in heaven and on earth has been given to me. 19Therefore go and make disciples of all nations, baptizing them in[a] the name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit, 20and teaching them to obey everything I have commanded you. And surely I am with you always, to the very end of the age."
Wow I love Jesus. :)
Saturday, April 11, 2009
Learning
Lately i've been thinking a lot about my relationship with God. Where do i sit with God? How do I feel about the relationship that i'm in with God? Well to be honest, I haven't really been feeling very secure with my relationship with God. I know that He loves me unconditionally and the He's always there for me, but sometimes i dont see it that way. Sometimes i feel like God is pissed at me for something i've done, but that's not the case (though i wouldn't blame Him if He were). Sometimes I feel like God isn't present in my life at all. Sometimes I feel so hopeless and depressed, that I think that I may end up walking away from Him. I hate that feeling. However, I will admit that life seemed to be so much more easier before I was a Christian. Although, i will admit that life is more joyous with God in my life. Life is more fulfilling when I'm filled with the Spirit. That is, when i'm not falling away. A lot of things have been going wrong in my life for the past few weeks, and that is why i've been thinking about all of this. Let me tell a bit of a story: This past week at youth group, it was amazing. We studied the Bible and had amazing discussion. My type of night considering I don't really care for all of the games that are played. Anyway, at the end my youth pastor asked those of us who want to Follow God, to stand up (everyone there wants to Follow God, but there was some other things that he said that i can't remember for the life of me, so i'm just going with this. either way this story is awesome.) so, some of us stood up and came to the middle of the group, and those who didn't stand up, prayed over us. It was one of the most beautiful moments that i've ever witnessed. In that moment, i felt so safe. so loved. so SECURE. in that moment, i felt God, which was something that i've really been needing. I think that as time continues, i am only going to grow even closer to God. I want to follow Him. I want to put Him first. I want to essentially grow into a more Christlike person. until that happens, i will continue to pray. I will continue to get cousel and enjoy fellowship with other Christians. I WILL have Hope. Besides, you can't really do much without it.
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