Learning

Lately i've been thinking a lot about my relationship with God. Where do i sit with God? How do I feel about the relationship that i'm in with God? Well to be honest, I haven't really been feeling very secure with my relationship with God. I know that He loves me unconditionally and the He's always there for me, but sometimes i dont see it that way. Sometimes i feel like God is pissed at me for something i've done, but that's not the case (though i wouldn't blame Him if He were). Sometimes I feel like God isn't present in my life at all. Sometimes I feel so hopeless and depressed, that I think that I may end up walking away from Him. I hate that feeling. However, I will admit that life seemed to be so much more easier before I was a Christian. Although, i will admit that life is more joyous with God in my life. Life is more fulfilling when I'm filled with the Spirit. That is, when i'm not falling away. A lot of things have been going wrong in my life for the past few weeks, and that is why i've been thinking about all of this. Let me tell a bit of a story: This past week at youth group, it was amazing. We studied the Bible and had amazing discussion. My type of night considering I don't really care for all of the games that are played. Anyway, at the end my youth pastor asked those of us who want to Follow God, to stand up (everyone there wants to Follow God, but there was some other things that he said that i can't remember for the life of me, so i'm just going with this. either way this story is awesome.) so, some of us stood up and came to the middle of the group, and those who didn't stand up, prayed over us. It was one of the most beautiful moments that i've ever witnessed. In that moment, i felt so safe. so loved. so SECURE. in that moment, i felt God, which was something that i've really been needing. I think that as time continues, i am only going to grow even closer to God. I want to follow Him. I want to put Him first. I want to essentially grow into a more Christlike person. until that happens, i will continue to pray. I will continue to get cousel and enjoy fellowship with other Christians. I WILL have Hope. Besides, you can't really do much without it.